Chapter 16 – A Rude Awaking

That night Jason could not sleep. He was completely overridden with guilt, sadness and regret. He wished so much that he could have controlled Steven falling into the water. He was so mad at himself that he could not remember things clearly because he was to drunk that night. It weighed so heavy on his mind and heart.

Jason began having nightmares and flashbacks immediately following the night of the accident. He was very intoxicated and it all seemed like a terrible story out of tragic movie drama. His nightmares grew worse as the days passed. They became so intense that he began seeing a psychologist for sleep deprivation and anxiety attacks.

That night was no exception to the severity of his dreams. Jason dreamed he was there on the edge of the pier again looking down at the rocks beneath the icy waters. He woke in complete panic to the sight of Steven’s eyes opening up and looking fiercely at him as Steven’s face and body floated up to the surface of the waters below him on the pier. The visions were becoming more severe with each nightmare. Jason curled into a ball at the head of his bed in complete shock. He could not understand why he was having these dreams. He began to think that maybe he was going crazy. He was afraid to know what these dreams had to do with Steven’s disappearance and death. The notion that he may have had something to do with his death frightened him beyond belief. He was so drunk that night, he blacked out and blocked out any memories. Now it seemed like the memories would not let him rest any longer. The nightmares and flashbacks became increasingly realistic as time passed.

Jason quickly got up and ran to the bathroom to take two more sleeping pills. He was concerned about not being able to sleep because tomorrow was the state final championship game. He knew he needed to rest and he hoped the sleeping pills would help him fall asleep. He returned back to bed and dosed off again, this time to wake to a more frightening revelation.

Jason dreamed he was standing along the end of the pier with Steven when they began to struggle and fight with each other. He could hear Steven yelling at him to stop. The last detail he recalled from the dream was that of Steven being pushed over the edge of the pier into the water, yelling out, “No!” and then falling onto the cold waters and rocks below. Jason awoke in complete horror. He cradled his head into his hands and wept in panic.

He yelled out, “No, this isn’t possible. This cannot be happening! GET A GRIP!” He began rocking his body on the bed in a back and fourth direction, “What is happening to me!” He almost stopped breathing thinking to himself, “Could I have pushed Steven from the pier? No, it isn’t possible. It’s just not possible! This is insane. I am just tired and freaking about tomorrow, it has to be stress!” He went back to the bathroom for two more sleeping pills; returning to his bed where he sat on the edge and stared out his bedroom window. The wind was picking up creating the branches outside to hit against the roof. He thought to himself again, “Calm down. State finals are tomorrow, im jus overwhelmed. It must be the stress.” He climbed back into his sheets curled up in a fetal position and rocked himself to sleep.

The visions were haunting him and he was not sure what they meant. He could hardly take the dreams and panic any longer. He knew that he needed to talk to someone. But, but he wasn’t sure who to turn to. He and Adam were still being questioned for the murder. He wasn’t comfortable talking with Adam any longer about anything. In desperation he thought that he may need to try to talk with him though. He knew he could talk to Caitlyn, but he was concerned that she wouldn’t want him to bring up the subject. He was concerned that she blamed him anyway for that night. He didn’t want Caitlyn to hate him, or think that he could have had anything to do with Steven’s death. He felt to blame for her loss and depressive sadness. He didn’t know what to think anymore. He was afraid how it may make him appear to either Adam or Caitlyn if he discussed the nightmares, flashbacks and visions. He thought that maybe they would think he was going crazy too and at worst, imply that he killed Steven. He was distraught. He wished things were so different. He wished that he could go back and relive that night over and make things right. But there was no going back now. The tides had been set in motion. All he knew is that he could no longer remain silent and harbor these nightmarish episodes.