Chapter 19 – One Shining Moment

Late spring brought about new possibility. Caitlyn was anxious to finish her senior year and move away for college the following fall. With the traumatic events that her family experienced losing the business, she was not able to afford and attend the top school of choice, but she was happy to be leaving town and that was all that mattered. Jason and her would both be attending Central Michigan the following fall. She was grateful that they could remain friends through all of the sadness and terrible events over the past year. Truthfully, she knew she needed him in her life not as a boyfriend, but as a true friend. He was the only one that understood how this event impacted their lives. And, Jason needed her likewise. They often walked to the end of the pier together discussing their plans for the upcoming fall. Caitlyn forgave Jason and his nightmares finally came to an end.

Following Graduation Day Ceremonies, Caitlyn and Jason took one last stroll along the pier to say their final farewell to Grand Haven. They both decided to take summer classes that summer to get a jump start on college. They sat down at the end of the pier and watched as the sun began its final descent over the horizon. Caitlyn bowed her head and whispered a prayer to Steven, she and Jason as time must move forward. As she opened her eyes she caught sight of a shiny object lodged in a sheltered crack alongside the base of the lighthouse. She leaned over to investigate. There in the sheltered darkness of the light she found Steven’s pendant. She reached into the crack of the lighthouse base cement and pulled out the pendent with her tiny hands. She held it close to her heart, looked out at the sun upon the water and began to cry. Her heart sank, she was certain now of the events that took place that fateful night. She folded her hands, sank her face into them and cried over the sad reality of the past year’s events, the loss of her youth and the darkness that exists in the beauty of the light, just as the undertow and undercurrent below is a dark and dreaded reality that attributes to the beauty of the waves above.

As she glanced to her right, looked up and watched in complete curiosity as The USCG Cutter Mackinac made its way through the channel charting its path to open waters for duty to service the great lakes. As she looked up toward the cockpit, a glaring beam of light struck the captain’s window so bright she was forced to look forward toward the bow of the ship. There standing in full uniform alongside the ship’s bell, stood a beautiful young officer glancing back in her direction. The light gleaming from across the lake illuminated his stance creating an apparition-like image; in the likeness of Steven stood there in lighted brilliance. Caitlyn gasped, her hear skipped a beat; and in a moment the image faded away with the sun and ship into the dark blue waters on the distant horizon.

Her heart was still. With the dawn of the day, she stepped over to the edge of the light’s pier. She held Steven’s pendant up to her lips, kissed it and surrendered it to the waters below; returning it to her beloved Steven. The first glow and beam stretched out from the lighthouse as she whispered, “God is near… do not fear… love goodnight.”

Chapter 18 – Dark Secrets Revealed

The following week Adam’s body rested upon shore and funeral services were held. This was the second tragedy for the town this year involving youth drowning on the pier. New safety measures were being implemented as a result and the community was coming together to educate and build awareness of the dangers on the pier.

Following the funeral Adam’s mother asked that Caitlyn come over to the house and go through some of Adams things. She was aware that Adam really cared for Caitlyn and wanted her to go through some of the photos and memorably that Adam adorned his room with over the years. When Caitlyn entered Adam’s room she was greeted with cold chills running down her arms and back. She remembered better days spent with Adam as captured in some of the photographs on his desk and walls; but there was strangeness to Adam’s room too. Something always bothered her about Adam; something that ultimately lead to them breaking up. She couldn’t put a finger on it, it was just a gut feeling and intuition that she felt around him after a while that she couldn’t shake.

As she made her way around the room she browsed over the photographs and memories to find herself standing in front of his closet. There was his varsity jacket hanging there in front of her. She remembered him draping it around her in better times. She took it off from the hanger and held it. While doing so, a strange light caught her eye from the back of the closet. She pulled the light bulb chain to turn on the closet light and explore the light streaming from a crack in the back closet paneling. She pushed on the paneling to reveal a small door to another storage closet behind the main closet. She stepped in and was immediately shocked at what she found. There all around her on four sides of walls in this small closet were photographs of her with Adam, her with Jason, and her with Steven and multiple photos of her studying in her room, walking to class, talking with friends, and sitting on the pier by herself. She gasped! “Oh my. This is terrible! How could I have been so blind!” There all around her was a freaky shrine of sorts of her. On the floor she spotted a black box. She leaned down and opened it. Inside were photographs of Adam with Steven as younger men in middle school. They were best friends, she recalled Adam saying once. She shuffled through the photographs to find more photos of her and Steven. They began getting more and more disturbing. There were photographs of she and Steven kissing, holding hands and having dinner together. It was extremely inappropriate. Adam had been spying on them since the very beginning of their relationship, spying to the point of stalking. It was an awful realization. Caitlyn swallowed slowly completely taken back by what she found. “Oh no, could Adam be responsible for Steven’s death?” She said under breath and began to cry in long deep hard sobs. Her hands were shaking as she thumbed through the photographs of her undressed in her bedroom. She began crying as she held photographs of her and Steven together. The tears fell down her cheeks and she could barely see. The tears were so frequent her vision became blurred as she made her way to the bottom of the box. Then suddenly panic shot through her entire being. Her hands feverishly shook as she lifted the chain that once contained Steven’s pendant. She knew it well, it was one-of-a-kind that she designed herself with the local jeweler. She couldn’t breathe, She was shaking so badly she dropped the box of photos sending them scattered all over the floor as she turned around and ran out of the closet, room and house. They had been broken up for over 10 months, she shouted out, “No! How can this be possible? How could he do something like this? Why, why, why?”

She ran straight to the local authorities and reported what she had seen. She couldn’t believe what was happening. She could not believe that one person could become so disoriented to do something this terrible. She could not believe that the reality of the situation is that Adam was so obsessed with her he could behave like this, and possibly have killed Steven. Things began coming into focus, bad things, her mind was spinning. She thought to herself, “Could Adam have been responsible for her Dad’s business failing? The spec house that he built that was destroyed by fire? The lumber yard being ransacked and robbed?” She felt completely sick as she told the police about the photographs that she saw and the possible implications upon Adam. The most disturbing photographs were those of her in her bedroom studying and changing her clothes; and those of her and Steven kissing and holding each other. Adam was spying on her the entire time, taking pictures of her with his cell phone. She recalled how her computer files had been stolen and her email accounts were hacked. Her identity had been jeopardized and her parent’s credit cards used by perpetrators. “All of these incidents, could the truly have been Adam’s doing?” She questioned everything aloud as she sat there in the police department filing her claims.

She knew in her heart that Steven’s fall and disappearance was no accident. She just knew that Adam must have grabbed his arm and took him with him when Adam tried to push him into the channel. It was a nightmare coming to fruition. She clutched Steven’s chain in her hands and held it to her chest whispering to herself, “Why did Adam have this? Where is my beloved Steven. What does this mean?” She continued to cry.

Caitlyn headed over to see Jason and tell him what she found. Steven sat there in complete shock and silence for a few minutes when he finally spoke up. “Caitlyn, that makes sense. The dreams I’ve been having always involve shouting, but I wasn’t sure what it was. I did recall seeing them fall into the water, and I did hear some of the fighting, but I don’t know exactly what happened. I’m guessing Adam probably fell because Steven grabbed him, sending them both over the ledge. They must have struggled on the pier for a while before falling into the channel as I was trying to get around the lighthouse on the south side over to them on the north side. I only caught the final end when they were both going over into the water. Adam landed on top of Steven over the rocks. That is probably what saved Adam and allowed him to swim to the north shore channel walls.” Jason began tearing up. “I am so sorry Caitlyn. It all happened so fast and it was all so confusing, I must have blocked it out of memory. Really Caitlyn, I never wanted to hurt you, and I especially never wanted anything this terrible to happen.”

Later that evening the police investigated Adam’s room and met again with Caitlyn, Jason and Sami to draw the best conclusion they could based on the evidence and photographs. There was no proof of what Adam’s role was in Steven’s disappearance, but there was definitely foul play and motive based on the evidence of Adam’s stalking and psychoanalysis. The police found copies of all of Caitlyn’s hard drive computer files, emails and passwords. Adam had indeed been stalking her terrible for years actually, including the time they were dating. He was obsessed with her to the point of no turning back. The police collected what they could for evidence and placed the photographs back in the box of her and Steven for her safe keeping.

That evening while sitting in her room she opened the box and began to look at the photographs of Steven. She missed him so much. She sorted the photographs and placed those with Steven in a specially made memory box. As she transferred the photographs into the memory box, she noticed two pictures in particular. One was a photograph of her working in art class on the necklace design, followed immediately by another photograph of Steven up close wearing the pendant. She knew Adam must have been very jealous of the pendant, he was always sentimental about exchanging jewelry with her. He became extremely jealous when she stopped wearing his class ring a year and half prior. She now recalled the signs, jealousy, rage and anger that he displayed even back then. She thought to herself, “Could something that trivial have caused the terrible chain of events that night? Could Adam truly have been so jealous to grab Steven’s pendant and fight with him over me?” She knew that was an all-too-real possibility.

Chapter 17 – Fight or Flight

The following morning the football team boarded the bus and headed out for the state finals game. Adam was sitting towards the back of the bus. Jason spotted him while boarding and decided that now was as good a time as any to talk with him, so he made his way back and sat in the seat across from Adam. Half way into the ride to the stadium, Jason motioned over and asked Adam, “Dude, I need to talk with you about Steven.” Jason was desperate now because he could no longer deal with the visions and nightmares.

Adam glared at Jason and tensed up, “No man. Just leave it alone!” he replied and immediately picked up his gear and walked toward the front of the bus to find another place to sit away from Jason.

While on the field they engaged in another heated argument during the game. Caitlyn and Sami witnessed them pushing and shoving each other between calls. There was some intensity between them. Caitlyn wondered what was going on. Following the game they all returned to Grand Haven and headed in different directions to prepare for various celebratory activities that evening. Caitlyn decided that she would go to dinner with Jason and meet Sami there. She wasn’t going to go to the dance. It was to difficult.

Jason arrived right on time to pick Caitlyn up for dinner and they headed over to the Kirby Grille. When they arrived Sami was sitting at the dinner table next to Adam. It was a familiar setting seeing their close circle of friends in their corner tucked back on the second floor of Kirby. The building was old and adjacent to a game room filled with pool tables. The atmosphere was always pleasant. It was one of their favorite hangouts over these years. Adam glared at Steven when he and Caitlyn arrived. He stood up and purposely ran into Jason hitting him hard on his shoulder as he passed by him presumably heading toward the restroom. “Nice date!” Adam lashes out close to Jason’s ear in passing. Jason gets revved up and spouts off back to Adam,

“She’s not my date. Not yours either! Try to understand that.” Jason then glances back toward Caitlyn, “What a douche bag!”

They make their way through an awkward dinner and the majority of the group leaves to head over to the school dance. Caitlyn tells Jason, “I think I will just walk home, it isn’t that far. Are you okay with that Jason. Thank you for understanding.” She was not happy with Adam’s behavior and the tension between he and Jason. She just wanted to clear her mind and go home to bed.

Jason replied, “No problem Cait, I understand. But, do you think we could talk sometime soon. There are some things that have been really bothering me, it would be nice to talk to someone. If you wouldn’t mind being that someone? Maybe?”

Caitlyn knotted, “Of course Jason. I’ll catch you later.” She bundled up in her scarf and headed out towards home.

“Shit!” Jason shouted under breath as she walked away. He put on his coat and hat and decidedly walked down to the pier. It was really cold out and he could see his breath in the chilling air as he hastily made his way toward the catwalk. He had not been out there since Steven’s disappearance. But, he needed answers, and he needed to clear his mind, so he thought that maybe the walk down the pier would help him.

Once out on the edge of the pier his thoughts begin spinning. He grows dizzy and starts hearing Steven’s voice in his head, “No! Stop it! No!” Jason covered his ears and started turning around in circles trying to make the voices stop. As he turns around in his feverish state of confusion and chaos, he is caught off guard when he sees Caitlyn standing there in the shadow of the lighthouse. He is completely startled as he looks up at her. “Caitlyn, I can’t take it anymore.” He says to her with the look of complete desperation on his face.

“What do you mean Jason?” Caitlyn hastily remarks. “What is it? Is there something you know that you are not telling me about Jason? Please?” Caitlyn begins to grow suspicious of Jason and this behavior. She desperately wants to know what happened out on the pier that night.

“I’ve been having these dreams. Caitlyn, it is crazy but, it is like things are starting to come back to me.” Jason responds to Caitlyn’s plea for any bit of information regarding that night. “Do you remember the bruises on Adams arms? Or the scratches? And his black eye, ripped shirt and jacket? I don’t know what happened on the pier that night, but I keep hearing these voices shouting and fighting in my dreams and head; like there must have been an argument. The shouts are driving me crazy. I can’t sleep, I don’t know what to do anymore. I wish I could remember for certain what happened that night! It was so crazy, and the waves were so loud.” He shook his head while trying to spill his guts out to Caitlyn.

Meanwhile, unknown to either Jason or Caitlyn, Adam had approached the lighthouse and was listening in on their discussion. He stood back in the dark shadows of the light so they wouldn’t know he was there. Adam was complete inebriated at this point. His drug use of painkillers and alcohol abuse was a growing problem, and this night was no exception.

Jason began trying to explain more of his nightmares and visions with Caitlyn, “I thought it was from his fall, but now after the dreams and flashbacks, I think Adam may have fought with Steven. I think he may have pushed him into the water. But I don’t know for sure. I am so sorry Caitlyn.”

Adam in hearing this began to loose his balance, but the waves were splashing and picking up now so it covered up the sound of his slipping stance as he stood near the dark edge of the light.

Caitlyn replied to Jason’s concerns, “I’m sorry too Jason. I wish we all knew what happened that night. We better head back, I don’t like being out here when the waves start getting higher.” They both turned around toward the south side of the lighthouse and made their way back to shore. As they walked away, Adam watched them and then turned toward the front of the lighthouse on the north side. He looked down into the waters below. He was also tormented by that night in October. Just then, a series of waves hit the front of the pier creating an icy layer underfoot. Adam lost his balance and fell hitting his head on the sharp edge of the pier and falling into the water. No one was there to see him fall into the icy waters. All alone, Adam drowned in the dark waters of Lake Michigan that carried him to their depths.

Chapter 16 – A Rude Awaking

That night Jason could not sleep. He was completely overridden with guilt, sadness and regret. He wished so much that he could have controlled Steven falling into the water. He was so mad at himself that he could not remember things clearly because he was to drunk that night. It weighed so heavy on his mind and heart.

Jason began having nightmares and flashbacks immediately following the night of the accident. He was very intoxicated and it all seemed like a terrible story out of tragic movie drama. His nightmares grew worse as the days passed. They became so intense that he began seeing a psychologist for sleep deprivation and anxiety attacks.

That night was no exception to the severity of his dreams. Jason dreamed he was there on the edge of the pier again looking down at the rocks beneath the icy waters. He woke in complete panic to the sight of Steven’s eyes opening up and looking fiercely at him as Steven’s face and body floated up to the surface of the waters below him on the pier. The visions were becoming more severe with each nightmare. Jason curled into a ball at the head of his bed in complete shock. He could not understand why he was having these dreams. He began to think that maybe he was going crazy. He was afraid to know what these dreams had to do with Steven’s disappearance and death. The notion that he may have had something to do with his death frightened him beyond belief. He was so drunk that night, he blacked out and blocked out any memories. Now it seemed like the memories would not let him rest any longer. The nightmares and flashbacks became increasingly realistic as time passed.

Jason quickly got up and ran to the bathroom to take two more sleeping pills. He was concerned about not being able to sleep because tomorrow was the state final championship game. He knew he needed to rest and he hoped the sleeping pills would help him fall asleep. He returned back to bed and dosed off again, this time to wake to a more frightening revelation.

Jason dreamed he was standing along the end of the pier with Steven when they began to struggle and fight with each other. He could hear Steven yelling at him to stop. The last detail he recalled from the dream was that of Steven being pushed over the edge of the pier into the water, yelling out, “No!” and then falling onto the cold waters and rocks below. Jason awoke in complete horror. He cradled his head into his hands and wept in panic.

He yelled out, “No, this isn’t possible. This cannot be happening! GET A GRIP!” He began rocking his body on the bed in a back and fourth direction, “What is happening to me!” He almost stopped breathing thinking to himself, “Could I have pushed Steven from the pier? No, it isn’t possible. It’s just not possible! This is insane. I am just tired and freaking about tomorrow, it has to be stress!” He went back to the bathroom for two more sleeping pills; returning to his bed where he sat on the edge and stared out his bedroom window. The wind was picking up creating the branches outside to hit against the roof. He thought to himself again, “Calm down. State finals are tomorrow, im jus overwhelmed. It must be the stress.” He climbed back into his sheets curled up in a fetal position and rocked himself to sleep.

The visions were haunting him and he was not sure what they meant. He could hardly take the dreams and panic any longer. He knew that he needed to talk to someone. But, but he wasn’t sure who to turn to. He and Adam were still being questioned for the murder. He wasn’t comfortable talking with Adam any longer about anything. In desperation he thought that he may need to try to talk with him though. He knew he could talk to Caitlyn, but he was concerned that she wouldn’t want him to bring up the subject. He was concerned that she blamed him anyway for that night. He didn’t want Caitlyn to hate him, or think that he could have had anything to do with Steven’s death. He felt to blame for her loss and depressive sadness. He didn’t know what to think anymore. He was afraid how it may make him appear to either Adam or Caitlyn if he discussed the nightmares, flashbacks and visions. He thought that maybe they would think he was going crazy too and at worst, imply that he killed Steven. He was distraught. He wished things were so different. He wished that he could go back and relive that night over and make things right. But there was no going back now. The tides had been set in motion. All he knew is that he could no longer remain silent and harbor these nightmarish episodes.

Chapter 15 – Nor'easter Gales

November gales picked up on the lakeshore and snow began falling the first weekend of the month. The town was experiencing a premature and hasty onset of the season as the cold chill of winter was anxiously underway. This weekend the high school was celebrating the close of the football season with the team’s anticipated win at state finals. A pep rally launched the weekend’s activities on Friday afternoon.

Caitlyn was in a haze over the past month. She attended school events and carried on with her regular classes and activities, but her heart wasn’t into it. She was just existing; just going through the motions. She felt so sad and alone for such a long time now. Her thoughts were miles away in the depths of the lake waters searching for Steven; searching for some clue; some type of closure to this terrible tragedy, loss and disappearance.

As Caitlyn led the cheerleaders to the center court of the gymnasium for the pep rally; she was surprisingly caught off guard to see Jason smiling at her out of the corner of her eye. Once in position to start the cheer and rally cry, she looked over at him again. This time with a slight smile and kind glance. She remembered back to better days last spring when she first got to know Jason. He was very kind and nice to her. Now, looking at him, standing there with the football team, he wasn’t so much the football hero any longer; but just another saddened friend overtaken by the terrible events of that fateful homecoming weekend night. Everything seemed to be warped in time and emotional turmoil for all of those involved. What should have been seemingly important, such as the team going to state finals, only seemed a mere task to her and Jason now. She could see the sadness in his eyes. He had also lost something that night. Perhaps we all lost a bit of the childlike beam that used to glow brightly in our eyes out there on the pier in the darkness of the light.

The pep rally brought a nice arousal of joy and camaraderie to the students, community and Caitlyn’s friends. It was much needed to lift the spirits around town. She was happy to see everyone eagerly involved and supportive. This game weekend was the first thing she was actually looking for to in a long time. The onset of the holidays and loom of Christmas weighed heavily on her mind. She couldn’t help but think about how she and Steven anticipated a Christmas reunion when he returned from his three months of service out east on the water. Sometimes it was easier for her to think that maybe he was on duty. Maybe he would return to her someday. It was a fairy tale, but it helped her get through the most difficult days.

Following the pep rally Jason hurried down to the gymnasium floor to greet Caitlyn, “Hey Cait, it’s been a long time now. How are you?” He was short with his words and questions, but truly needed to reach out to someone. The silence he was experiencing was weighing terribly on him creating nightmares. It was clear that he, as well as Adam, still held crushes for Caitlyn. They were always enamored by her. But, this was different. He needed a friend to talk to, and he needed to talk to her! Caitlyn nodded and reflected a half-smile, but didn’t say anything back to Jason’s inquiries. Jason followed up with another question, “You thinking about going to the dance tomorrow night after the game?”

“Probably not Jason, but thank you for asking.” Caitlyn politely replied. She wasn’t planning on attending any parties, dances or extra social activities. She felt that she was not up to participate in those events yet.

Jason replied, “Cait, I’ve been thinking, it would probably be good for all of us to get out. I know that you, just as I, have been harboring a lot of thoughts and emotions and haven’t talked about what happened. I know the dance isn’t the place to do that, but it might be good to just get out and do something normal again. Please, just give it a thought? No strings attached, just friends? Okay?”

Caitlyn answered, “Well, I wasn’t planning to go, but you are right. It probably would be nice to get out after the game for a little social celebrating with our friends and classmates. I’ll think about it Jason. Thank you.” She nodded and shifted her glance to the ground again and began to walk away.

“Wait, Cait, a small group of us are heading over to Kirby Grille for some food before the dance. Will you join us for that? A girl has to eat sometime?” Jason was trying to engage Caitlyn somehow into connecting with him in some way. “Come on,” he looked at her like a lost puppy dog, “You’ll enjoy yourself. Something tells me you could use a little fun conversation and mingling, am I right? Just dinner, no dancing necessary.”

Caitlyn responded, “Yeah, you’re probably right. I have been cooped up in my house for a long time now.”

“Great!” Jason thought to himself. He wasn’t going to risk her backing out now and blurted out, “I’ll swing by and pick you up at 7:00 pm. See you then Cait!” He waived and ran off toward the boys locker room.

When Jason entered the locker room he walked in to find Adam sitting on a bench with his head cradled into his hands. He was hunched over and appeared to be in bad spirits. Steven had not talked to him since the fateful events on homecoming weekend. They were both still being questioned by local authorities regarding the outcome of that evening and Steven’s disappearance. Jason walked past him to his locker, packed up his gear in his duffle bag and slammed the locker door shut in frustration, startling Adam. Adam looked up in a panic, and caught Jason’s piercing glare as Jason walked past him and exited the locker room. There was a great deal of tension between them. They were less than team mates; just rivals now. There was a hard bitterness between them and neither one trusted the other. Their only commonality was their goal to win state football finals. Beyond that they were no longer considered friends. As Steven left the locker room, Adam pulled a flask from his jacket and drank down another swig. He was completely addicted to pain killers and alcohol now. He was harboring this secret. Their close group of friends became completely despondent with each other. The tragedies from that night on the pier created a ripple effect that remained persistent and tormented each of them individually. Come November; change was in the air, sending chills through their once close-knit circle of friends, just as the forceful circling tides impacting the shoreline.